carters room

update on us

Things around here have been busy we were working on Carters room, the backyard and the garden for Christian in the back. Plus trying to get things worked out for his special garden at the church which we will be working on that very soon.

It will be 7 weeks since Christian passed on this sunday. And im not looking forward to mothers day this year. I know we still have Carter but its just to soon for me. I have started working on the house and everytime I would pick something up something of Christians would be underneath it, I am having a really hard time now and missing him more then ever. The more time goes by the harder this is getting. So again if I dont return emails or phone calls im just not in the mood to talk. I will add some pics soon of Carters room and the garden so far.

Christians Urn

Here is the urn we have gotten for Christian. We would like to thank Phyllis from Candle Perfection. It looks beautiful and we know that Christian would have loved it.

update on us

We are trying to finish up Carters room makeover so when its all finished I will add some pics. Its Christians last gift to his brother.

I am missing that sweet boy more and more time does not get easier. I am sorry if I dont email,or call anyone right now I just dont feel like talking all that much right now.

Please keep Averyanns family in your prayers I have just learned that she is not doing that well and is in the hospital. The family does not know how much longer they have with her so please pray for strength for this family.You can visit her site www.averyann.net to check on her and leave a comment if you want.

update on us

These past few days have been a little rough for me. Darren has went back to work and now its just me and carter at home. When he is napping that leaves alot of time for thinking and being sad.
The other day I think Christian was coming out in Carter because he looked at me after i said something to him and he gave me his fist.Christian would do that all the time if he was mad at us or was playing around.
We are starting work on our garden, doing the clean up and so on. We are waiting for the sign to be made and sent back before we start working on the garden at the church. If you would like to make donations towards that you can email me and I will give you the address. amikinsjo@yahoo.com it will be nice to be able to sit out in the garden and think of him and how he loved to pick the flowers and give them to me.
I thank god we have Carter to help us get through this rough time. He makes us smile everyday and makes us want to go on. He has been more loveable lately giving hugs and kisses and wants to be rocked like a baby.

Hi everyone im asking you to please keep the Henry family in your thoughts and prayers the next few days they lost there little one unexpectedly, it was a classmate of Christians.

Sunday will make 3weeks since we lost our sweet Christian and there is not a second of the day that im not thinking or missing him.

We made it home today. Thanks again for all of your continued thoughts and prayers.

Ok ive added a bunch of pics they are in the next 4 post enjoy them

few more favorite pics enjoy them

pic

here are two of our last days with him he is so beautiful

pics

here are afew pics of the balloons that camp good days let go after the service,it was a beautiful thing to see them all flying high to christian

pics

Here we are on our lastday with our sweet christian. we didnt know that it was going to be our last day so these mean so much to us now.

updating

Today we took Carter fishing it was hard to even go because Christian loved it so much. However right now Carter is not really into it he wanted to run around and play in the dirt.
Its been an up and down for me today I just really miss my sweet boy, it hurts to look at his pictures but at the time he is so beautiful that I just cant stop.
Darrens bday was yesterday and mine is this saturday they just arent the same without having him here with us. We arent celebrating this year but we are trying to have ok days. There are moments that things seem to be normal (what we consider to be) but later there is guilt for feeling that way because he has only been gone a little over a week now. We know that he is probally looking down on us telling us to enjoy ourselves and Carter but at the same time it just doesnt feel right.
We gave Carter a hair cut ill post pics sometime in the near future.

what is normal life

Its been a week now since Christian earned his wings and this has been the hardest week for us. There is a whole in our hearts that will never be filled. CANCER SUCKS!!! No one should ever have to lose a child.
Our life for the past 2 and half years has been all about cancer and taking care of Christian and now that he is gone its like what am I suppose to do now. Normal life as we call it kinda sucks right now and the only thing that is making us happy is seeing our beautiful Carter laughing,and having fun.
We knew he touched a lot of people by seeing how many was at the service. Its hard to believe a sweet little 4 yr old could touch so many people.
Being in WV doesn't take any pain away and we know what will be home when we get there. Its just as hard being here as it is there Christian loved being down here and that is what I'm trying to hold on to. All of the places that he loved and what he loved to do. We are going to take Carter fishing sometime in honor of Christian we are hoping that he will be as still as Christian was by the water :)
Thank you again for all of your prayers.

What A Beautiful Service/Thank you's

Thank you to Stephan and Burns funeral home, Pastor Mary Kelly and Organist Connie Myers for the beautiful service today. Thank you to the Folks at Time Warner and "The Catering Company" for providing the wonderful luncheon afterwards. Thank you to Jim and the rest at Graser's Florist for the lovely floral arrangements. Thank you to Pap, Grandpa, Mike and Tim for serving as Pallbearers. Also thank you to the folks at Camp Good Days for the balloon release. We couldn't have asked for a better way to celebrate our son's life. Thank you to everyone for your continued prayers and support.

View/Sign Guestbook
Christian W. Showers
SHOWERS-Christian W. March 23, 2008, age 4, beloved son of Darren and Amy Showers; dearest brother of Carter Showers; also survived by 2 aunts, 5 grandparents, 2 great grandparents and 2 great-great grandparents. Friends may call Tuesday from 2-4 & 7-9 PM at the STEPHAN-BURNS FUNERAL HOME INC, 266 East St. at Austin. Services will be held on Wednesday at 11 AM at The University United Methodist Church, 410 Minnesota Ave, Buffalo, NY. In lieu of or in addition to flowers donations may be made to The Christian Showers Memorial Garden Fund.

Final Arrangements

Viewing services will be held from 2-4pm and 7-9pm on Tuesday at Stephan-Burns Funeral Home at 266 East St. Buffalo 14207. The Funeral Service will be had at 11:00am on Wednesday at the University United Methodist Church at 410 Minnesota Ave. Buffalo 14215. All are welcome. Thank you for your continued support. Floral arrangements can be made with Graser's Florist at 399 Amherst St. Buffalo 14207 (800) 536-2837.

Our angel earned his wings

It breaks my heart to write this update, at 3:30 this afternoon Christian passed away. I will add the arrangements when we know what they will be. Thank you to everyone that prays for our family.

update

Things have been about the same here, yesterday while giving him a bath his breathing had paused around 5 times so that was a little scary once again thinking is this it.
Carter gave him kisses this morning and said bye bye , I know carter doesn't understand anything but maybe Christian needed to hear him say that who knows at this point he is a stubborn little guy.
We would like to thank everyone again that has sent us food, it is greatly appreciated.

update

Christian is the same, still hanging on.
I have been letting my hair grow long and decided a while back to cut it for locks of love,lastnight our friend was over and I did it. Cut it all off so here are before and after pics.

pics

Here are the boys all dressed up,We dont know if we will Christian on easter so we had it today. They are a couple of cuties!
If I dont post everyday things are probally the same so dont freak out.I will update when I can.

update

Last night was peaceful, He would wake up and look at me so I would talk to him, tell him i loved him. Hopefully today will be as well.

pic

I was laying with Christian and Carter wanted to lay with the baby so we were all taking a nap :)

another rough one

First off i was holding my breath all day yesterday for it was the 13th and that was the day of dx and others things have happened on the number 3.
We went to bed after having an alright day we just sit around and held him all day basically. Then early this morning he was having breathing issues where he was trying hard to breath, so we layed there and told him its ok go with god. We gave him morphin and put the fan on because thats what we were told to do and this morning he is still here with us, opening his eyes holding our hands. We just hate seeing him fight like that.

update

Yesterday was a good day, we gave him a bath with mommy and he must have been relaxed because he ended up taking poop in the tub.Then while daddy was dressing him and making fun of what he did to me he took a pee on daddy so he got us both.
After that he was awake for along time. He was even moving his right arm a little. So it was REALLY nice seeing that from him.

update

Last night was ok, he opened his eyes a little and looked at daddy,and this morning he is moving his head and trying to look at us and squeeze our hands. Of course he could be doing all of this because the patch is wearing off but we will take it.
Thank you all for all of your prayers from your mouths to gods ears.

update

His eyes are now not responding to light, and he has been sleeping for two days not really waking up.He does nod his head alittle and trys to squeeze our hand.
This is the hardest thing to do!

We wanted to thank the ladies that have brought/send us dinner. It has meant alot to us and that is more time we have spent with Christian. So again thank you.

few pics

update

Today has been an ok day he has slept most of the day but was awake enough to smile,show us his fist,play with a little baby snow man(he made me make him one) after that my sister and I took Carter outside to play for abit and I was able to laugh and enjoy time with him. However I felt a little guilty for having the fun with out Christian.

breathing

Christians breathing is starting to be labored. His heart rate keeps going fast then slow.

update

Lastnight was a little better regarding the morphin intake. He only asked for it once so the new higher dose patch must be working like we want it to. He does sleep off and on but he also is awake and showing us that beautiful smile.

We keep getting ask what people can do for us besides pray that things go smoothly dinners or lunches would also be appreciated. We are trying to enjoy every second that we have left with him and alot of times he wants one of us to lay beside him in bed snuggling but that's OK with us.

update

Christian is now on a pain patch as well as morphin. They are trying to find the right dosage to keep the pain under control.
He is sleeping pretty much all day these days but he does wake up for a few seconds and smiles at us.
Once again if you want to visit with him then please do it now and dont wait. He may not be awake when you are here but he will know that you are here if you sit beside him,talk to him touch him.

update

He slept all day yesterday and lastnight needed suctioned more then usual. Today so far he has been awake more and smiling some at us and carter. He can not sit on his own anymore so needs to be surrounded by pillows and blankets.
Again if you want to visit with him please do so asap. he is getting worse everyday.

pics

I love the one with the puppy its like there staring each other down.

Rough night

last night was hell!!!! About two in the morning he woke up choking and we both thought that was it that he was going to die right there. He had a fever of 103.7 so we gave him some tylenol took off his clothes and put cold wash clothes on him. That made us feel sick as hell seeing him like that. The nurse will be coming later to check him out so we will see what she has to say.

Visits

We have talked about this and feel that if anyone would like to come visit Christian that you do it ASAP. With the new medicine its making him pretty sleepy.And we do not know how much longer now we have. So please come visit him soon. Call and let me know when you would like. 206-8949

pain med

We are now giving him the morphin every two hours if needed. Yesterday he was having a bad day with pain.

pain control

We have started him on morphin as of lastnight. He was starting to ask for pain meds before it was time for them so this is our next step and if this does not work he will have a pain patch. I HATE this!

ihopecancer fundraiser

thank you for the new design...... http://www.cafepress.com/ihope/4905571

update

We are seeing something that we have not seen in a long time and that is Christians beautiful smile and laugh. he is still having shaking in his head but he has been in a happy mood lately of course some of it is due to there new puppy.Both boys love it and she loves them. We have gotten some negative talk over this puppy but to look at Christian and see him smile and having fun with her is all that matters. And the ones that unfortunately have been were we are know exactly what we are talking about.We don't know how much longer we will be able to see him like this. Carter as well loves her they run around and play all the time. Which is good because he will really need something when this nightmare happens.
We are so thankful that Christian is a stubborn little person because if he wasn't he probably would not be here today.
Again if you would like to visit please let us know,we are just asking that when you do that you keep things on the softer side for he does not like loud noise.

Party Pics

update

First off we would like to thank the Tops on Union for giving us the cake for Christians last day of school party. The kids loved it! And Party City for letting us in early to get the last minute items.
It was bitter sweet yesterday knowing that it was his last day and knowing why. But it was nice to see how much everyone there loves and cares about him. If he feels up to it we will take him for short visits.
He is getting worse we can tell the difference between vacation lastmonth and now. He is more irritable and frustrated. He does not like loud noise anymore that being tv,people,toys. So we are asking if you come to visit to please keep it on the softer side.
I will add some photos of the party in a bit.

update

Christian had a pretty good weekend, he was in a happy mood yesterday. I think it had to do with his visitors :) This morning he was having the shaking problem again but through out the day it has seemed to get better.
This will more then likely be his last week in school. If anyone wants to visit with him please let us know and come to visit sooner then later.

thank you

We wanted to thank everyone in the WV church family/school kids that have been sending Christian the cards and little gifts. He does love to get mail and this past week he has been one happy little boy. He loved the big valentine card and all of the cards/pictures from the school kids. We read every single one to him. He also loved the blanket.

When it rains it pours

So this week has not been a good one for us, over the weekend we thought the brakes went out on the van, turns out they were fine but needed a battery. The next day Darren goes out to go to the drug store and the van wont move the transmission went out on it on. So we have not had to much luck with the van.
We have all had appointments this week, Christian eye appts to keep an eye on the cornea and Darren and I a follow up however they said that I know have diabeties on top of everything else.
He is not sleeping well at all so in return we are not either. We have tried some meds but they did not seem to help so we will see if we can try something else.
He seems to be in a better mood today, maybe thats because he finally took a poop yesterday it had been a week since that has happened so we had to give him something for that as well. The dr said it will be harder for him to go now and take longer but we need to keep him cleaned out.

Thank You

We would like to thank everyone that was involved with the benefit, and everyone that came. It meant a lot to us to look out and see so many people there to help our family. Words can not be said for how grateful we are to everyone. So again Thank You!

benefit

If anyone comes to the benefit please come up and say hi to us.

another rough one

Last night was a rough one. He was saying his head was shaking and he even threw up a few times. It was a long night and it was hard to see him in pain and when he would say mommy help me and there was nothing i could do for him it broke my heart.
There is nothing worse in this world then not being able to help your baby. Noone even knows what is causing the shaking so we dont know how to help stop it. He is now taking his steriods 4times a day instead of 2. Maybe once that kicks in it will help a little. I am hoping.

The Showers Family Benefit Flyer

A flyer has been put together for this Saturday's event. If anyone wants to put one up, feel free to print off this website. The Showers Family Benefit Flyer

pics

rough night

Last night was not all that great. We were getting ready for bed and he started saying that his head was shaking again and that his head was hurting. So this went on all night long. Dr. said if it gets worse she will put him on another med. Hopefully he will get to feeling better soon since we are still on vacation.
He got to see horses today and ride another tractor. Carter actually rode the horse and loved it. Christian was to scared to get on it so he would just pet it. He did feed it a cookie.
I will add pics later im not feeling so good tonight.

pics

Here are a few pics

update

I have tried to add some pics but it wont let me right now so I will try again later. Today we went to dinner with some church people and they got to see some ducks that are in there pond. Yesterday we played in the snow and built two snow men and threw snow balls at each other and had alot of fun.
Mommy is feeling better now that I got some antibotics so hopefully I wont be sick for the whole vacation.

We made it to nans house yesterday, of course we thought we were driving away from the snow and this morning we look out to snow here. I will add some pics later today after i get them down loaded.

benefit

Hi everyone a friend of ours is going to be holding a benefit for our family so that when the time comes for Darren to stay at home the last days with Christian so here is the info if you would like to donate a basket she would like them by Feb. 1st if you need any other information please email me and I will try to find it out for you.

On Feb 2, 2008, I will be holding a benefit for Christian. It will begin at 5 pm. At the Abundant Life Center. The address is 2155 Old Union Rd. Cheektowaga,NY 14227. Tickets are 20.00 and include an arm's length of chinese auction tickets. pop,food,coffee are included. for any donations of baskets and or tickets email me or call me @ 605-4877 or 276-5916. Thank You!! Vicky
If you like to send a donation please email me and i will give you the address. amikinsjo@yahoo.com


We will also be pulling out first thing in the morning for our vacation I will add pics everyday that he does something fun.

updates

Ent visit went ok he did say that he could close the hole up but its not necessary, and we have opted to not have it done we want to enjoy every second that we have with him at home not at the hospital.
I got the results from my stress test and they said everything looks fine. So it ended up being stress. I am thankful that its not serious for I could not handle anymore bad news.
He has an eye appt. tom. morning.

He did go to school today and i am missing him like crazy but I know that he has fun there and the people there miss him as well.

updates

This week is a little busy for our family. Today I had to have a stress test and will finish it up wednesday. Christian has a follow up appoinment with the ENT doctor on Tuesday to see how the trach hole is doing. He will go back to school on Thursday and Friday after his eye appointment. Monday we have a family meeting with his Onc. doctor and then on tuesday we will be heading out on a vacation. We want to take Christian on one last trip and make lots of memories. We arent sure where all or what all we will be doing but hopefully we will have lots of fun.
I am not allowed to touch the kids today because of the cardiolite they gave me today so its pretty hard on me when christian says he wants to hug me or wants me to hold him. Hopefully by friday things will be back to what we call normal.

MRI

We got a call from the onc. dr today and she said there is growth in the spinal tumor. So this means we will not continue with the chemo he was on and may do another if she and the other docs feel it will help. There is also the possibility of doing radiation just for pain control. He is also going to start on a steroid monday to hopefully help with the pain and the shaking in his head. We should know more by this week sometime.

update

Last night was rough, he kept saying that his head was shaking but when we looked at him he looked fine he said it was on the inside, so I held his head with my hand and he laid close to me. we were scared lastnight watching him,seeing how he is doing. We are still waiting on results and that makes this whole thing worse.

I thought I would tell you how our day went. When we got to the hospital things were going well, christian had a visitor come to see him and got some playdough, another one gave him a sabres shirt and camera(thank you both) we even went down stairs 10 minutes early. So we thought that meant things would go smoothly, we get there and ended up waiting on the doctor for over a half an hour and the scans normally take two hours maybe a little less. Today it was over 3 hours and we were starting to worry. They did get him out after we had asked whats taking so long and put him in recovery. Like normal he threw a fit and cried. They did let him leave recovery early and go back to the floor when we got there he wanted milk they dont normally give you milk after being put to sleep but they did today because he was so unhappy. They let us leave the floor early as well and go home. Christian is still a little crabby but thats how it goes.
I doubt we will learn anything this weekend so when we do I will update.

Happy New Year

we wanted to wish everyone a happy new year we hope its a good one.

Christian seems to be filling a little better today he was playing and crawling some. We are however getting anxious about the scan Friday. We are of course hoping for stable but at this point we just don't know.

People always ask how we are doing and honestly not to well. Our son is sick with cancer and going to die before he should. Its hard for us to even plan ahead in the future because we don't know if he will be here. We cant just close our eyes and believe that things will be alright because they aren't I just wish that everyone around us would get out of denial and realize this. Its easy for them to think this way because they aren't living with him and this 24/7 like we are. We are not giving up hope that a miracle might happen but at the same time we are living the crap life we have been dealt.
We are taking pictures and video of the boys together because I'm so afraid that Carter wont remember how wonderful of a brother he had. When he says I love you momma it breaks my heart but at the same time I cant get enough of it.
People like to say things happen for a reason but what the hell is the reason for this! No child should have to go through any of this.
I pray for the children that are dealing with now and the ones that have lost there life to this and there families.
So pleas keep them in your prayers as well.